When the American flag is a red flag.

January 27, 2012 in Capitalism, Marketing Content, Package Design by Dan Ditzler | No comments

I haven’t talked package design in awhile, but sometimes there is one jumping around on store shelves just screaming for attention and cannot be denied. I’d like you to meet PEST OFFENSE, a plug-in device that uses ultrasound to repel rats, mice, roaches, and other household pests.

PEST OFFENSE pushes a lot of buttons with its package, but especially the one marked patriotism.

PEST OFFENSE pushes a lot of buttons with its package, but especially the one marked patriotism.

Pest Offense Products, Inc. uses every sales angle it can to grab consumers by the lapels. There’s the “As Seen On TV” icon to add instant credibility — we all know that nothing in life is worthwhile if it hasn’t been televised.  There’s the environmental pitch — no hazardous chemicals and no harm to people, pets, and food.  There’s even the heartstrings appeal — in this case, a picture of device inventor Don Hodgskin with his lovely grandkids. The problem here is that Don and his creative package design team have succumbed to the desire to say and sell too much — the kitchen sink approach, in which 10 pounds is crammed into a 5 pound bag (or in this case, folding carton).

Because of this confusing mix of messages, I could have easily walked past this product, but there was one front and center pronouncement I couldn’t ignore — the most dubious patriotic product plug I have ever seen. I never object to American manufacturers who put our flag on their products to underscore that they are made right here stateside. I am also pleased to see someone call out his product as “An American Invention.” However, Old Glory coupled with the catch-phrase “Putting the USA back to work” is more than I can bear. I appreciate Mr. Hodgskin announcing his intention to hire American workers, but we’re talking about a small, plug-in, ultrasound pest device, not an auto plant or a new steel mill. Our national economic challenges run deep, and even factoring in that every small step helps, it is more than a little disheartening to see America’s once (and still) formidable manufacturing prowess leveraged with late-night infomercial pitch tactics.

Assembled isn't quite the same as Made in America.

Assembled isn't quite the same as Made in America.

The kicker comes when flipping the package over to read the following words on the back — Assembled in The USA. To put a fine point on this, PEST OFFENSE is not fully manufactured here. It is put together from some percentage of parts made elsewhere.  Ouch. If you are going to wave the flag for American manufacturing, please don’t wind up sounding like a dictionary-embellishing politician.

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PA moves to the head of the brewing class.

January 19, 2012 in beer, Brands, Marketing, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, Tourism Marketing, Uncategorized by Dan Ditzler | No comments

PA's Yuengling just attained America's Largest Brewer status.

PA's Yuengling just attained America's Largest Brewer status.

Congratulations to D.G. Yuengling & Son, who just officially became America’s largest brewer, moving ahead of Boston Beer Co. (Sam Adams), according to Beer Marketer, as the largest U.S.-owned brewer that makes all its beer in the states. That sounds highly improbable for a family business and a beer sold almost exclusively in the East (and long concentrated in the Northeast), and especially to anyone who doesn’t follow beer industry brewings. However, all the national brands are now owned by foreign corporations and industry market share is greatly fragmented by smaller brands, microbrews, popular imports, and reduced consumption overall.

If you’ve never visited the hillside town of Pottsville, PA, the Yuengling brewery tour is a good reason to do so (the other is the fiction of John O’Hara, who wrote many a novel and short story about the town in its economic hey day as Gibbsville). The company now has a second brewery in Tampa.

This news should be a big deal for Pennsylvania, but it hasn’t registered to the extent it should. Perhaps that is because marketing isn’t what has propelled Yuengling to the top (hard to top the ad budgets of Budweiser, Miller, and Coors), but quality and persistence are. Yuengling Lager is a really good everyday beer that makes it consistently popular everywhere it is sold. This state has a proud brewing tradition and many brands historically associated with various localities: Philadelphia (Schmidt’s), Pittsburgh (Iron City), Rolling Rock (Latrobe). . .one of my favorite TV commercial memories from childhood when visiting relatives in Scranton was “Gimmee, Gimmee, Gimmee Gibbons”, the slogan of the Wilkes-Barre based Lion-Gibbons brewery.

Beyond state borders, I have always had a soft spot for Coors, because there was a time it attained cult status in the East when refrigerated transport for a time kept it mostly West of the Rockies. Later, when Newton Associates had the Graphic Packaging account, which had been a folding carton packaging unit of Coors, a lucky few (not myself included unfortunately) traveled to Golden to shoot a packaging plant video and got an exclusive Coors brewery tour. Another legendary beer of the time was Olympia from Washington state. Today, we help the O Bee Credit Union with PR — ironically, it began life as the credit union for employees of the Olympia brewery, which closed in 2003.

Happier, hoppier days at the Olympia brewery, which closed in 2003.

Happier, hoppier days at the Olympia brewery, which closed in 2003.

So, although many popular breweries and brands are gone. Yuengling’s rise is happy beer industry news locally. Fortunately, PA is also blessed with a resurgence of microbreweries such as Victory and Stoudts, as well as excellent brew pubs and beerhalls like Iron Hill and Brauhaus Schmitz. For all those Pennsylvanians who enjoy beer, the announcement of the Yuengling triumph is like Octoberfest in January.

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Playtime is over.

January 13, 2012 in Barbie, Brands, Business, Capitalism, Crisis PR, Facebook, Marketing, Public Relations, Social Media, toys by Dan Ditzler | 2 comments

Latest Facebook movement is on behalf of kids with cancer.

Latest Facebook movement is on behalf of kids with cancer.

As 2012 starts, we are suffering from a dearth of leadership, and the larger the institution or company, the more likely that no one wants to step up and steer the ship. Latest example is Mattel, which has a social media storm developing outside its corporate walls and it is over something that could be turned into such a positive for all and on all levels. If you haven’t heard about the Beautiful and Bald Barbie Facebook page/group, here is a good primer on it. Essentially, someone came up with a brilliantly simple idea to support little girls going through cancer care and attendant hair loss (as well as those whose mothers are) — a Barbie, the universal doll symbol of beauty, minus all her signature golden locks. With every other possible celebrity and situational version of Barbie, it is amazing that Mattel did not think of this themselves, and therein lies the problem. So far, the official response to this Facebook movement is that official corporate policy is to not accept ideas from outside.

I suppose Mattel is grappling with a lot of legal questions as to who owns this idea and how are they compensated on future sales. Incredibly, this story adds another layer — that early last year Mattel custom-produced a bald Barbie for a single little girl undergoing chemo. So, there is even precedence here.

I have a unique perspective on this, being from the PR industry, and having had a child successfully treated for leukemia. A children’s onco ward can be a scary, lonely place and little gestures of caring and kindness go a long way. How can Mattel be so tone deaf — kids with cancer and a chance to do something socially redemptive — it seems like the easiest corporate green light ever.  Where is the downside?

No response to Bald Barbie movement on any Barbie or Mattel pages.

No response to Bald Barbie movement on any Barbie or Mattel pages.

Instead, with the Beautiful and Bald Barbie Facebook page now approaching 100,000 likes, and a lot of negative comments posted about Mattel, the official Mattel and Barbie Facebook pages, apps, and web site pages do not have any responses to this movement. However, you will find this bit of mission statement gobbledygook:

“”Leadership” at Mattel is the ability to develop and communicate a compelling picture of the future that inspires and motivates others to take action. Leaders at Mattel align themselves with Mattel’s core values, exhibit leadership competencies and drive for success in our business strategies. In this way, we will work to achieve our vision, “Creating the Future of Play.” Every day as Mattel’s 30,000 employees worldwide strive to realize that vision, our leadership team is guiding the way.”

Someone on this page at Mattel needs to stop talking about leadership, throw policy manuals out the window, and actually lead.  It’s the smart thing to do, the right thing to do, and the ONLY thing to do.

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Death in the family.

January 6, 2012 in Ad History, Branding, Brands, Business, Capitalism, Genuardi's by Dan Ditzler | No comments

The Genuardi's grocery brand is going away.

The Genuardi's grocery brand is going away.

Very sad news to report — the death of another beloved Delaware Valley icon this week. But to be honest, the loss was actually a fait acompli, following a long, slow, painful, and predictable process that began in 2001 when the Genuardi family finalized the sale of its grocery chain business, begun in 1920, to West Coast based Safeway.

You can read all about it here, including the closures and store selloffs of Genuardi locations to Carlisle, PA- based but Netherlands-corporation-owned Giant.

The grocery business has always been tough, with tight margins, but lately it has gotten even tougher. Grocery stores aren’t going anywhere — it is the smaller family grocery chains that are under increasing pressure from the corporate giants. Not many left in this area. Brown’s ShopRite, Redner’s, Weis come to mind, as well as independents Thriftway/Shop ‘n Bag. The latter two were once separate Newton clients shortly before they joined forces. We still feature one of our Thriftway spots on our web site accessible from the A La Carte/TV link here .

The passing of the Genuardi’s brand is especially troubling, because a little over a decade ago, it was a shining star on the Philadelphia metro food scene. Their St. Davids store was the flagship of the chain and it ushered in the whole concept of specialty foods and an in-store food court, before Wegman’s and Whole Foods arrived on the scene.

Genuardi’s stores were also known for cleanliness, service, and a connection to the local communities where they were located. One quiet example of that were the number of special needs people they always seemed to employ.

It is troubling that America is losing more and more of its family-run businesses in favor of corporate ones. The sense of personal connection (and personal stake on the part of the local owner) is missing, whether it is at big bank branches, home improvement stores, and chain restaurants. When your name is on the store, you tend to ensure that everything is at its best and when problems occur, they are solved quickly and on a first-name basis so the customers understand their business is important. We’ve covered this topic before.

I hear the word “stakeholder” a lot in public company business these days, and I have to laugh. Very few of these people have their names and reputations at stake when it is a major corporation that employs them. The senior most executives often are not even located on any premises where customer interactions take place that they can directly witness or take part in.

Despite the loss of  the Genuardi’s brand, Delaware Valley residents still have plenty of grocery options. From foodie stores like Wegman’s and Whole Foods, to low cost leaders like Wal-Mart and Aldi. Giant who purchased 16 Genuardi store locations runs its stores well and was one of the first in the area to be open 24 hours. Perhaps this is just another case history for the marketing/branding textbooks — Safeway might have done better rebranding locally as Safeway in 2001 vs. trying to preserve Genuardi’s as a family-owned brand when it was no longer one.

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Mütter, may I?

December 30, 2011 in Brands, Facebook, Marketing, Museums, Mütter Museum, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, Social Media, Tourism Marketing, Twitter, YouTube by Dan Ditzler | No comments

The Mütter Museum is a Philadelphia Must-See.

The Mütter Museum is a Philadelphia Must-See.

If the question is “May I take photography inside of all your marvelous medical oddities, curiosities, and maladies?”, the answer is a definite no. But actually, my question is “Can I blog about Philadelphia’s infamous Mütter Museum?”, and I’m just going to plunge ahead, not waiting for an answer, and beg forgiveness later.

If you are a Philadelphia area resident and you have never ventured to 22nd Street between Market and Chestnut, to the College of Physicians’ amazing, disturbing, and eye-opening (and in some cases, oozing) Mütter Museum, you owe it to yourself to put it on your New Year’s Resolution list. A visit will cure you of thinking hypochondriacs are crazy, it will give you new respect for the medical pioneers who have helped us achieve the healthcare available to us in the 20th Century, and it will create empathy for some remarkable people who have had to endure some physical handicaps, indignities, and challenges that underscore the strength of the human spirit.

If you are from outside of Philadelphia, I have good news for you — the Mütter is now available to you every Monday via its very own YouTube channel with a video minute starring its current curator. I would like to salute the Museum’s marketing team for its social media inventiveness (you can also connect with the Mütter via Facebook and Twitter). They are leveraging digital and social to connect in an educational and entertaining way with a wide audience of museum members, followers, and potential new converts. Marketing creativity has long been a strength of the Mütter, however. A good many years ago, a former curator was a semi-regular guest on David Letterman’s show. Earlier this fall, the Mütter premiered an art film by identical twins, the Quay Brothers, who were likely drawn to the collection by the saga of conjoined twins Yang and Eng. The museum really understands that its halls are filled with exhibits that are offbeat at best, off-putting at worst, and that it needs to play to its strengths, but with 365-days-a-year unconventional outreach.

As great as the new YouTube channel is (deep, too, with around 100 videos), you need to visit in person to get the full Mütter experience. The Soap Lady needs to be seen in the flesh (or in all her saponified glory). There are several preserved ovarian cysts that are (I’m not exaggerating here) larger than our Butterball Thanksgiving turkey for 12. Then, there is the mega-colon (also preserved and on display) from a man whose bowels’ nerves were contributing to the worst constipation problem anyone could ever possibly conceive of (until you see it on display). Perhaps the most amazing thing I learned was that the Hahneman of yesteryear found nothing they could do, so they discharged the poor man (not the hospital’s finest hour).

The Mütter is a tourism treasure of the City of Brotherly Love and needs all the love it can get. Here is a holiday card in the form of a very entertaining Gamestop commercial from Christmas season 2010 that has nothing to do with the Mütter, but as you’ll see, everything to do with the Mütter:

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The old heave-ho, ho, ho. . .

December 23, 2011 in Brands, Business, Christmas, Crisis PR, FedEx, Holidays, Public Relations, Social Media, Video, YouTube by Dan Ditzler | No comments

The holiday season opened with a very black Black Friday punctuated by pepper spray and other crazed shopping ugliness. Now, it is winding down with a water cooler moment delivered via a lone FedEx driver and YouTube.

If you have yet not seen the clip, taken by the surveillance camera of a customer whose delivery of a Sanyo monitor was shot put over a driveway gate, here it is.

Hard to tell what was going through the driver’s head — a tight timetable that did not correlate with the backlog of packages in his van, class warfare envy that the package recipient lives in a gated home and he doesn’t, the turbo ingredients of his 4th energy drink of the morning. . .could be just about anything. If he has shared those thoughts with FedEx, they have not shared them with the world. Here is a link and a blogpost to FedEx statements since the video has gone viral. They have taken the driver off the streets, reassigning him within the company. That has triggered a secondary PR backlash judging by the posted comments — unemployed capable people are incensed that this clown still has a job at FedEx. Worse, as Corky notes: “No the delivery man isn’t working with customers any more, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t throwing packages around a warehouse somewhere. Most of us would be fired for doing something like that. FedEx, you are hurting your other employees by keeping one who does such public relations damage to your company.”

FedEx, normally the model of reliability and efficiency, has been challenged by the actions of one driver and its own HR policies.

FedEx, normally the model of reliability and efficiency, has been challenged by the actions of one driver and its own HR policies.

So, yes, this delivery man will go through the rest of his life as that crazy Christmas delivery loon. However, the venerable FedEx has managed to make itself look foolish, too, by projecting a mysterious at best, clueless at worst image by responding to this viral video fiasco in a nebulous squishy-HR manner. FedEx made things right with that single customer, then managed to cause everyone else to question management judgment on what appears to be cut and dried grounds for dismissal. FedEx’s statement sounds vague in light of the video —“We do take this matter extremely seriously, and have initiated action in accord with our disciplinary policy, while respecting privacy concerns. Without going into detail, I can assure you that this courier is not delivering customer packages while we are going through this process.”

Just one more example that the people running America’s biggest corporations and institutions don’t understand crisis PR, let alone social media. It is sad when you think about how much money FedEx has invested in positive PR and advertising programs to build brand image. The initial damage done was inflicted by one poor excuse for an employee, but then management has compounded that damage by failing to act decisively to show that such outrageous conduct will not be tolerated.

And on that note, happy holidays and a wonderful and profitable 2012 to all!

Update: This is the 5th time I have had to repost this entry. FedEx lawyers must be working hard through YouTube to get all the viral video clips in the public domain taken down. It is a shame they did not put as much effort into their PR.

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The intersection of Madison Avenue and the Information Superhighway.

December 16, 2011 in ad technology, Advertising, Digital advertising, Facebook, Facebook, Foursquare, Google, LinkedIn, Online Ads and Campaigns, Search Engines, SEO, Social Media, Twitter, YouTube by Dan Ditzler | No comments

The Digiday Agency conference was a wealth of information on the ever-expanding digital ad world.

The Digiday Agency conference was a wealth of information on the ever-expanding digital ad world.

This week, it dawned on me that the world of digital advertising has become a morning commute from hell. I envision sun glare, tractor trailers overturned on off ramps, gaper delays, highway construction crews, crumbling infrastructure, and side streets not designed to handle the traffic they are swollen with.

What led me to that conclusion was sitting in on the excellent, well-attended Digiday Agency conference on Monday. Digiday assembled a sterling lineup of industry experts from the agency, publisher, and technology sides who made individual presentations, participated in panel discussions, and offered wide-ranging articulate opinions on the landscape of all things consumer digital advertising. I was probably the only business-to-business guy and one of the few creatives present, so I came to listen and learn. Here is what I came away with:

  • Things continue to morph faster than anyone can keep up with, let alone get ahead of. Digital now encompasses digital display, search, social, video/rich media, mobile, and more across a vast span of publisher and affiliate sites, plus desktop, laptop, tablet, and smartphones that accept advertising. Throw in TV advertising that leverages and attempts to cross-link digital, social, etc. and you have media planning that often collapses under its own cleverness and targeting potential.
  • Analytics and metrics are overrated. One of the more incredible statements of the conference was a derisive one about digital display advertising measurement being still stuck in the stone age — specifically, the continued importance placed on click-through rates. The speaker noted that the demographic of those most likely to click on display ads is populated with low/no income types, online gamblers, and assorted tire kickers.
  • Video, Social, and Mobile are the future. Pretty obvious shift driven generationally and by tablets and smartphones. Of course, by the time that the ad industry sorts it all out, we will be on to other new technologies and tools.
  • Remarketing (retargeting) via browser cookies of those who visit advertiser web sites is only going to get bigger. A number of speakers used the funnel analogy of awareness advertising at the top and very targeted, directed messaging at the bottom to catch buyers when they are now informed and ready to make a purchase.  The theory is great. I just don’t believe that ads relentlessly targeting people whom cookie data has identified as hot prospects is going to be ultimately successful or a great idea. I still believe that the average person is suspicious of Big Brother approaches and privacy concerns trump marketing opportunities.
  • Digital media buying has been reduced to an RFP process. Publishers spoke about how hard it was working with agencies in digital space because the media planning contacts are all junior people and there is a revolving door between agencies. Not much time or room for relationship building and value adding when it becomes a “give me your best deal” RFP request.
  • Agencies are being courted as digital advertising venture capitalists. That seemed like a completely foreign concept to me because running lean and mean continues to be the norm outside of Madison Avenue; however, a number of shops spoke very intelligently on this subject.

Ironically, a couple of days after the conference, I came across this article on Adobe investing heavily in traditional agency territory and challenging Madison Avenue in the data sweepstakes of this space. There were a lot of technology companies like Google present at the conference, but Adobe wasn’t one of them. I suspect they will be heavily discussed when Digiday holds the west coast version of this event in Los Angeles in early 2012.

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It’s the surreal thing.

December 9, 2011 in Advertising, Branding, Brands, Christmas, Coca Cola, Facebook, Facebook, Gap, Holidays, Package Design, Social Media by Dan Ditzler | No comments

Brave new 2.0 world out there. Iconic brands are finding it is dangerous to play with familiar icons. Last year, GAP got hammered in social media for rolling out a new logo. In recent days, Coca-Cola, perhaps the most revered brand of all, especially at holiday time, has taken it on the chin for changing its familiar red can to polar bear white (and silver).

You can see Coke’s noble intent here with a temporary can redesign meant to promote giving to the World Wildlife Federation tied to its long-running polar bear commercials. However, the road to hell is paved with similar do-gooder, feel-good efforts. Aside from creating brand confusion at the point-of-sale between Coke and Diet Coke cans, the more worrisome concern was over those for whom the ingestion of sugar is a health issue, namely diabetics. Hard to believe that a company like Coca-Cola hadn’t considered some of these issues.

Not long before this story broke, I was in the soda aisle stocking up for the arrival of Thanksgiving company and it occurred to me how confusing buying Coke has become — there’s caffeine-free regular Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke, and there’s the familiar Coke of the past century, with caffeine, and in a red can, but not on the shelf when I was looking, which caused me to pause, but not be refreshed. Perhaps it was already sitting there in the white/silver can and I like many others just missed it.

From a pure package design standpoint, with the exception of all-important color, Coca-Cola did a nice job of carrying over brand identity; however, with so much identity tied up in red, that misstep is not a minor one. To me, it is actually a surprising one. You don’t get to world’s most familiar/popular brand by making many errors in judgment. Beyond the New Coke rollout fiasco, I had to wrack my brain to think of another significant stumble.

The only instance that stays with me is an account in David Meerman Scott’s excellent “The New Rules of Marketing and PR,” about the company’s reticence to participate online and offline when the Mentos dissolved in Diet Coke, creating Old Faithful backyard science experiments. Mentos embraced the goofy nature of it all, while Coca-Cola got all stodgy corporate because they could not control the consumer fun. If the same thing happened today, I am guessing it would be front and center on the company’s Facebook page (where by the way, the Coca-Cola arctic home message is still up and front and center — well, at least the WWF donations effort did not suffer the same fate as the white/silver cans).

Coca-Cola's white can redesign went south, but WWF/arctic home donations are hopefully still heading north.

Coca-Cola's white can redesign went south, but WWF/arctic home donations are hopefully still heading north.

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Carrots and sticks.

December 1, 2011 in Advertising, Brands, Business, Capitalism, Government, LivingSocial, Marketing, McDonald's by Dan Ditzler | No comments

McDonald's Happy Meals and other kids' fast food meals are under fire in SF.

McDonald's Happy Meals and other kids' fast food meals are under fire in SF.

The nanny-state central planners are working overtime again, and at a time when many families are struggling to put meals on the table, let alone holiday gifts under the tree, San Francisco city government has just passed a new ordinance that bans the inclusion of free toys in fast food kids meals that do not meet their tough anti-obesity standards. McDonald’s is the first to respond and they are doing a “workaround” — the previously free toys can now be purchased for 10 cents apiece. Other fast food chains will have to plan their own compliance measures.

Is childhood obesity good? Of course not. Should government at all levels be policing what each of us eats? Of course not. We would collectively be better off as individuals, and as a nation, if we weighed less, got more exercise, and were healthier overall. But we all need to eat to live, and the last time I checked, most of us also make a point of eating what we like and tastes good to us. Some of that carries more calories and fats than things that taste less good to us. McDonald’s would not be the global giant it is today if it were in the business of selling sprouts in Brussels and bean varieties.

Hollywood's love affair with Happy Meals toys represents collateral damage in anti-obesity fast-food wars.

Hollywood's love affair with Happy Meals toys represents collateral damage in anti-obesity fast-food wars.

There is something at best tone-deaf, and at worst mean-spirited, about punishing children to force fast food restaurants to take away toys that have been marketplace favorites for decades, all in the interest of better nutrition. Right goal, arguably, but definitely wrong strategy. Those crying the most may be Hollywood executives because McDonald’s has long had a marketing relationship in which Happy Meal toys have been used as promotional vehicles for kid-friendly and family films. Toy collectors are not going to be too pleased with this development (and multi-city trend) either.

Meanwhile, it is just smart business practice for McDonald’s and other fast food restaurants to market test menu items that offer healthier eating alternatives so that kids and parents have a choice in what they have to order. Fruit salads are never going to replace Big Macs in terms of overall sales, but that doesn’t mean people won’t order them when they are in the mood for that fare. Meanwhile, McDonald’s is always experimenting, even in marketing — this morning was the first time I have ever gotten a third-party e-mail coupon from McDonald’s. Think I will forward it to San Francisco city council and let them know what we, in the city of cheesesteaks and hoagies, prefer from our fast-food franchises.

Big Macs and Large Fries are still welcome in the City of Brotherly Love (and Meaty Sandwiches).

Big Macs and Large Fries are still welcome in the City of Brotherly Love (and Meaty Sandwiches).

Update: This new site is being promoted by McDonald’s via banner ads on LinkedIn. A listening tour is planned, so whether you are committed to current fare or new better nutritional options, speak now or forever hold your peace (peas) (mind your peas and Qs) (oh forget it).

Update 2: McDonald’s is a global brand, which means its Happy Meals headaches are not limited to San Francisco city council. This week, the government of Sao Paulo, Brazil is fining them $1.8 million for encouraging unhealthy eating habits in children. Google poverty in Brazil and you can see making sure kids are fed period still remains a challenge, so this fine seems to be a distraction from bigger issues at best.

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Most wonderful time of the year (if you survive today, that is).

November 25, 2011 in Advertising, Brands, Christmas, holiday shopping, Holidays, Retail, Target, Wal-Mart by Dan Ditzler | No comments

Black Friday shopping gets bleaker with each passing year.

Black Friday shopping gets bleaker with each passing year.

“When Black Friday comes, I’ll collect everything I’m owed.  And before my friends find out I’ll be on the road.” I’m pretty sure that Steely Dan didn’t have the “official” start of the Christmas shopping season in mind when they wrote those lyrics. But there is a sense of entitlement captured there that rings truer with each passing annual installment of these retail follies.

This year, the yuletide injury report is evenly scattered coast-to-coast, many at Wal-Mart stores, and this year with pepper spray being used by both a psycho-shopper, and in a separate incident by law enforcement as a warning to an unruly mob.  Nothing says the season of giving like trampling others in a bid for electronic gear that will still be available in the same stores tomorrow and the day after that. And December 26, too. The obsession with material goods clouds all common sense — one shopper was shot to death by parking lot robbers when he refused to part with his purchases.

For 11 months out of the year, brick and mortar retailers are begging shoppers to come visit (and shop) and yet mall traffic continues to dwindle. Then, one stinking, heavily promoted, holiday sale day arrives and suddenly amateur productions of “Lord of the Flies” break out in unison across the US map.  It is little wonder that online and catalog sales continue to surge. Seasonal shopping is no longer a Currier and Ives moment. Darwin rules.

My son decided to brave the crush and went with friends to the Philadelphia Outlets at midnight. It turned out to be very good exercise because they had to park a mile away or risk getting in the parking lot and off-ramp gridlock that went on for hours.

In spite of the holiday horrorshow that is Black Friday, one retailer has managed to strike a balance of quirky humor and obsessive fun about the shopping frenzy. Last year, and revived this year, Target created an entire campaign centered about the loonytoon Christmas shopper lady, well dressed, but with crazy ninja skills, who encourages shoppers to prepare for the season. And for the mayhem.  If all the real world shoppers shared this lady’s off-kilter spirit and uber-anticipation, we wouldn’t need a national police blotter tallying the body count. I preferred the original meaning of “shop ‘til you drop.”

Black Friday isn’t about to go away as a sick holiday tradition, though. Early reports show that sales surged once again in spite of several years worth of sordid news stories.

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